I strain my eyes to keep awake and to stare at this damn screen. I am venting. I am telling them every contemplation that comes to mind cus I don’t want the contemplations to stick and continuously pester me.
But what they don’t know is that, as I await their answers, I squeeze the Domo until there’s no more pain in this damned chest.
The Domo is the only concrete, non-technology based thing I have of this relationship. There are no pictures. There are no movie ticket stubs or letters or cards. It is only this and I don’t know why I’m squeezing it so much and kissing the top of it’s head, but I am.

Was that right?
How could anything right feel like this?

‘Try not to mistake what yu have for what yu hate.’

Like yu can’t even believe.

See, the problem here is that yu don’t know what yu want.

What do yu want, Kat?

I don’t even know what to do with myself right now. This is precious study time.
But whattheactualfuck. What was I doing back in November then. Whyaminotgoodenough.

I can’t even explain how pointless I feel right now. I feel like a fucking crumpled piece of paper in a garbage can. And that analogy sucks balls but I can’t be creative right now. I want to fucking cry. But I don’t cus I just feel empty, even of tears.

Suddenly, I don’t feel so good.

No, what am I saying? I feel like fucking shit, insignificant, and my stomach and heart just collapsed into theirselves. My optimism kind of died and I’m listening to the Beatles sing about love and although it’s a happy tune, I’m fucking dying and I know I shouldn’t be (as I text my actual boyfriend wtf). I’m not happy right now. In fact I’m actually really pissed bit at myself for not being able to fucking good enough ever and wtf is wrong with me.
^This is the kind of person he doesnt like so I guess it makes fucking sense.
Fucking awesome. Just fucking awesome.
That’s sarcasm btw.

thegreenguitar:

Actually Jon, there should be a Panic! At The Disco video game.

There’s A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered, Honey You Just Haven’t Thought Of It Yet (8-bit)
Panic! At The Disco

Download

Click here to listen to more 8-bit versions of songs by bands like My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco and more.

panicatthediscosongs:

Brendon Urie

Girlfriend In A Coma

Just listen because, jesUS it’s great

I guess I’ve found a person. And interestingly enough, not only do I trust him enough to talk about things that I wouldn’t feel so comfortable discussing with most people, but he feels the same. He’s actually told me something today that no one else knows. That feels awesome. :)
And no, I don’t like him for that. Actually, this whole drama/inner conflict concerning my boyfriend and the guy I’ve loved for how long - that actually wipes away the liking I had taken to my bandmate.
All’s well.

I’ve come to the conclusion that no one is proud of me for how I try to separate myself from the ‘typical’ and majority.
Most (if not all) people don’t like all of me; they actually like just the part that less Kat and more towards popular notion. They like me when I’m more like them.
So what is the point of trying to do what I’ve been trying to do? Where is it getting me? Just to over-thinking and ultra-analyzing to knowing and understand an outer view to things. Just less happy than they are. I don’t actually get the things I want from being this way.
I thought it was the purpose of life to separate yourself to establish this plot of land in the sea of people as YOU. Now I don’t know.
I just keep wondering why I bother.